3.5 Lesser-Known Uber Services You Didn’t Know You Needed

Uber is mostly known for their transportation app and service, and for hijacking an occasionally-used prefix of German origin from the dictionary. But the company also offers a shopping and delivery service from stores like Office Depot and Radio Shack, as well as a food pickup and delivery service called UberEats. Based on evolving consumer needs and research, Uber also has a few lesser-known services that are gaining in awareness and popularity, that aim to make your life a little easier and/or more rewarding.

Here are 3.5 Lesser-Known Uber Services You Didn’t Know You Needed:

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1 UberMD

UberMD vans are now popping up in many metro areas worldwide. Why wait for your doctor to have an opening three weeks from now when you could have a certified MD and support staff in an unmarked, private van in your driveway in 45 minutes?

UberMD offers routine “turn your head and cough” checkups as well as a collection of more advanced procedures that include colonoscopies, prostate exams, stent insertion and removal, kidney stone surgery and cataract surgery. Early-stage abortion service fees and rules vary by state. Uber also offers discounts for ride+procedure packages, that allow patients to take a trip while having their procedure done (full indemnity waiver applies).

Doreen L. of Vallejo, CA opted to schedule her cataract surgery during her trip to visit her sister in Fresno. “The van was so smooth, I could hardly tell we were moving,” says Doreen. “And, it had been forever since I had seen Denise and my nieces, so I thought I’d kill two birds with one stone. It’s been a week since my cataract surgery, and I think I can see a little better than I could before. The doctor assured me that he had finished before we hit that huge pothole between Merced and Madera.”

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2 UberAbduct

Always attuned to the needs and desires of their customers, Uber’s UberAbduct service has been an instant hit in the “reluctant passenger” niche. UberAbduct drivers must go through extensive combat and firearms training, as well as have a vehicle equipped with the proper gear to subdue and restrain “guests.”

Have a loved-one (current or former) that won’t answer your texts? Have them picked up and brought to the location of your choice. Robbing a bank? Have your getaway car outside and waiting for you and your hostage (surge pricing applies) when you need it. Need more younger ladies at your afterparty? Cruise the strip and point out which ones you want. Your wife take the kids and head to your sister’s house? Get Lani and little Lance Jr. back where they belong before the fishsticks are done cooking.

“My girlfriend broke up with me a week ago, but I know she still loves me,” says David K. from East Hartford, CT. “UberAbduct picked up Lisa and brought her to the parking lot of the Outback where we had our first date. I was impressed how well the driver had restrained her in the backseat. I fed her pieces of an awesome blossom, like we used to do to each other, and she only spit one back in my face. The restraining order has taken effect now, but I’ll never forget those 15 minute more we had together.”

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3 UberRage

Uber is aware that sometimes there are things that you want to do, but you don’t want to do them in YOUR car. That’s where UberRage come in. It provides a variety of services that require a skilled driver and a vehicle that you’re not responsible for (vehicle repair or replacement fees apply). Whether you can afford a 1979 AMC Pacer, or a 2024 Rolls Royce Ghost, you can have the driver do whatever you want, and it won’t effect your driving record or insurance rates (accidental vehicle, property and personal death and damage fees apply).

That idiot brake-check you merging onto the freeway? Rear-end him and send him careening off into the median. That Karen take the parking space you’d been waiting for? Have the driver jump out and quickly and efficiently key her doors and slash all four of her tires. Those two Edgars in the Chevelle look at you the wrong way? The driver will gladly drive-by and let them know to show you some respect in the method of your choosing (violent retribution fee applies).

Roger S. from Seattle, WA shares a positive experience following an altercation at the stoplight on S Columbian Way. “That asshole behind me beeped his horn the second the light turned green,” Peter says. “All it took was a few taps and selections on my phone from the backseat, and Jose in his Dark Grey Nissan Altima forced those fucks crashing over the guardrail and down into the middle of I-5 North. It was epic, and he earned every penny of that $2000 tip.”

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.5 UberRandom

Life can be unpredictable, and Uber has embraced that. For those wanting to “go with the flow” and let “Jesus take the wheel”, Uber recently launched UberRandom. Based solely on cost and duration, and not any kind of desires or preferences, you can have UberRandom totally surprise you and bring you to a random place, event or experience that you could and would never plan for yourself.

Be the only white person with no gift at a Filipino wedding reception. Attend a volatile protest for a subject you know nothing about. Get dropped off at the most remote part of your state as the sun sets and figure out a way to get back to civilization. Help paint a barn black, for the new local chapter of a Satanic cult. Spend time with severely-disabled seniors at the local nursing home. There’s no limit to the random experiences UberRandom can provide.

“I was hoping to take some adopted puppies for a walk in the park,” says Nadine R. from Austin, TX. “But instead, I found myself at an industrial slaughterhouse activating the lethal bolt projectile as cows were funneled through, one by one. It sure was random, and I’m now on a new adventure, creating a blog about local vegan restaurants and resources.”